too much paranoias

argh

right now i'm having one of them.

i don't like it, i wish they would stop.

why does it happen? i kinda know, but don't fully understand it

what can i do about it? i don't know yet

i like to call them 'brain explosions'. basically it's an anxiety attack of sorts.

for no reason whatsoever my brain will go "hey owen, BLAH" and make me think something horrible, then get me worked up about it, make me have some sort of freakish daydream about it, make me think i'm physically in the situation, then dump me back in the real world to deal with it.

right now my brain is telling me i hate someone. i don't really hate them and they haven't done anything wrong to deserve it. my brain is telling me they did something, which actually didn't happen. my brain put me in the room that this thing that didn't happen happened in for me to see and has now thrown me back in front of my computer screen again.
worst thing is, i KNOW that none of it is true, but now i'm left with this horrible feeling of pain and hate for no reason at all. hate is a strong word, but thats what it does.

sometimes things will trigger this off, sometimes nothing will trigger it off. most of the time that something will trigger this off, the situation isn't actually happening and there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for everything, yet i still have these problems.

sometimes when it happens and i'm sitting at my computer, it makes me want to break the computer. again, i don't know why because i like my computer a lot, but it's just what i happen to be sitting/doing at the time.

confused? don't worry, i am too. i am also trying to fix it.

EDIT: turns out what my brain was telling me was partly true. i'd say that this one was approx 75% correct. when i spoke to the person involved they said it was "freaky" how accurate i was. unfortunately this is the case whenever this happens. a gift? it can be, because when the outcome is good it's wonderful, but when the outcome is bad, it's really not fun