argh
right now i'm having one of them.
i don't like it, i wish they would stop.
why does it happen? i kinda know, but don't fully understand it
what can i do about it? i don't know yet
i like to call them 'brain explosions'. basically it's an anxiety attack of sorts.
for no reason whatsoever my brain will go "hey owen, BLAH" and make me think something horrible, then get me worked up about it, make me have some sort of freakish daydream about it, make me think i'm physically in the situation, then dump me back in the real world to deal with it.
right now my brain is telling me i hate someone. i don't really hate them and they haven't done anything wrong to deserve it. my brain is telling me they did something, which actually didn't happen. my brain put me in the room that this thing that didn't happen happened in for me to see and has now thrown me back in front of my computer screen again.
worst thing is, i KNOW that none of it is true, but now i'm left with this horrible feeling of pain and hate for no reason at all. hate is a strong word, but thats what it does.
sometimes things will trigger this off, sometimes nothing will trigger it off. most of the time that something will trigger this off, the situation isn't actually happening and there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for everything, yet i still have these problems.
sometimes when it happens and i'm sitting at my computer, it makes me want to break the computer. again, i don't know why because i like my computer a lot, but it's just what i happen to be sitting/doing at the time.
confused? don't worry, i am too. i am also trying to fix it.
EDIT: turns out what my brain was telling me was partly true. i'd say that this one was approx 75% correct. when i spoke to the person involved they said it was "freaky" how accurate i was. unfortunately this is the case whenever this happens. a gift? it can be, because when the outcome is good it's wonderful, but when the outcome is bad, it's really not fun
too much paranoias
earthquake and fire
this blog entry is dedicated to David Fuentes, Hepcat bass player who died this week. he was only 36 years old.
i got an email from esther telling me about a whole bunch if goings on in manchester. if she doesn't respond to emails and things for the next few days, her computer is a bit broken so she needs to use the library computers. who says macs never have any problems?
in the email she said that she saw Death Proof. SO not talking to her right now :p
this week has been a bit nicer in that i've had stuff that wasn't assignments to do. monday at college was kinda boring though. our usual lecturer mark was away (nine inch nails played the night before, he would have been there) so we had a guy come and read through some photocopied sheets of paper. boring.
having no parents around has been kinda good most of the time cause i can do things in my own time. i'm alive, have clean clothes hanging on the clothesline drying and am fully fed, so no problems there. it's pretty boring just sitting around the house by myself though, so if you're a person also looking for someone to hang out with this week, give me a call.
i worked at the Something For Kate show this week with johnny. i'm not really a fan of theirs, so my highlight of that was spending time in john's hotel room checking out the view from the 62nd floor of the World Square building. pretty good that was. pity i didn't have a camera with me.
after hanging out with john the result was that i'll now be stage managing The Metro stage at Blackstump next weekend. i'm very much looking forward to the challenge. it'll be hectic and hard work, but it'll also be great fun. don't worry, i've done stage managing before so i'll be able to do it quite well (sound pompous much?). if i'm not running around like a crazy fool at the stage, please come and say hello to me as i won't get too much time to explore the site and be a social butterfly.
this week i plan to get started on both dvd's for college and my live sound assessment. i've also got a soundscape based on Luigi Russolo due on friday, so i'll be pretty busy this week.
oh yeah, Arsenal kick ass.
last weekend they beat Tottenham 3-1, they beat Sevilla 3-0 and Derby 5-0. while Derby are a bad team, Tottenham and Sevilla put up pretty good fights and both games were really good. they should have beaten Derby by a lot more, but after going two goals up and it was clear they were going to win they relaxed and didn't play so hard.
i have clothes to bring in, some lunch to eat, and then some church band practice to get to, so i'll leave this entry at that.
bye!
update on me
well, it's been awhile since i posted a new blog. time for a new one i guess.
please note i've bought the name of the blog into line with the URL as i now have a more appropriate use for the old name. you'll find out what that is sometime!
big news this week is Esther left to go over to England yesterday. i think she's about 2 hours away from touchdown in Manchester if my maths are correct (but hey, i've never been good at maths).
so yeah, now that she's not around i've got lots of free time to fill in. i've got lots of college work to do, but i need time away from that. who's up for hanging out and tearing up the town? let me know!
that college work. this week i've got 2 essays to do and also a soundscape that i've been putting off doing to record and mix.
my first essay is on a 'sound artist'. basically they're people that use the medium of sound as their art, instead of paint and canvas. they're NOT musicians.
the second essay is basically an essay version of a script. i need to research a music producer (i'm going to do Lee 'Scratch' Perry) and write an essay on them, which will become the basis for a script. that script we will then use to narrate a 10 min doco that we will need to make from scratch (hehe) and must be on a playable DVD.
the soundscape i'm doing needs to be in the theme of either: Futurism, Dadaism, Surrealism and something else i can't remember right now. basically it involves finding out what sound art in those styles sound like, then try and record and mix our own piece. it's interesting, thats for sure.
oh yeah, for college i need bands to record. if you're in a band and want a free recording in a professional studio, let me know. you won't be allowed to sell the recording, but it'll make a really good sounding demo. leave me a comment/send me a message/give me a call if you're interested. i want to start recording next week.
also, are you in a band thats playing at blackstump? if so, i' more than willing to do sound for you. everyone always complains about the sound at blackstump (i get particularly frustrated by the lack of quality mixes) and i'm putting myself out there this year to do sound for you and make you sound good. again, comment/message/phone me for more details.
i think thats about it for one blog, i'm off to rock out to Less Than Jake and pretend i'm 16 again (no matter what that Last FM thingy says, i think it's broken)
Webcam fun!
i bought a webcam today. esther is going overseas and her computer has a webcam in it, so i got one so we could talk over skype/msn/whatever. it only takes tiny photos, but thats ok cause it was the cheapest one i could find.
it's has some weird effects for the pictures. some are below.
here is me in flowers:
tickling a monkey in the jungle:
on your tv, reading your news:
on your computer, hacking your interwebz:
no! don't kill me!
the paper says it so it must be true:
bbrrrr, so cold!
anyone for a kiss? mwah!
EDIT: after taking those photos i found the "change resolution" setting, so i can make bigger photos :)
News Of The World
duuuuuuudes, whats up?
well, since i last posted, i'm back at JMC Academy and LOVING it. compared to doing maths and physics, it is BLISS. so good being able to mix songs and just play with freaking sweet equipment.
bad thing? i've got a billion assignments to do.
mondays i have 'history of recording'. for that subject i need to make a 10 min DVD about an audio engineer, including pictures, video, audio and narraton! also have an essay to hand in for that.
thursdays i have 'live sound' (dead easy subject) where we are given some briefs (no NOT underpants) and need to make up the P.A. requirements for it, including manpower and costings. it's gonna be pretty complicated.
fridays i have 'audio aesthetics' where we discuss things such as aesthetics, philosophy and alternative audio. the philosophy stuff is great fun (we discussed 'what is good music?' this week) but we need to listen to all these highly pretentious audio clips. next week i think we're listening to a recording a guy made called "silence". reminds me of dudes that paint a canvas white and sell it for billions of dollars. argh.
anyway, for this subject, each week we need to take a recording device called a Zoom H4 and go out into the world, recording sounds along with that weeks theme, then make them into a 'soundscape'. interesting, but also boring. like i said, pretentious.
that subject needs an essay too.
for my prac class, we need to record 3 songs (each of a different style) and then take 10 mins of a movie and redo all the sound for it in 5.1 surround sound! crazy!
lots of work to do!
this week i got to do sound at The Gaelic Theatre and the in house guy (who also happens to be my 'live sound' teacher at college was really impressed with my work. hopefully i'll be doing a lot more work for him!
here's something really cool. we got a rabbit today!
dad went outside to get the newspaper this morning and there it was, so we got it and put in our bird aviary. funny thing is the last bird we had in the aviary died today and now we have a new rabbit to replace it. highly cool.
i've named it 'Warren' :)
it'a bit spooked (it was in the gutter outside, so i think the cars scared it) bit it's starting to warm to us.
click here
and
also click here
so yeah, things are a bit hectic right now for me, but also fun. lets hope they stay that way!
check it out:
latest goings on?
hey all
i haven't been posting so much lately as there's been lots of stuff going on but it seems i've got some stuff to type about.
on the weekend Esther and i went to this camp called the 'School Of Discipleship' that was run by the Uniting Church down in Canberra. it was an interesting weekend, thats for sure.
essentially, the days went: talk, food, small group, food, something else, food.
the talks were a bit weird, and i didn't really like them. the guy giving the talks seemed to focus too much on theologians and didn't reference the bible very much at all (which i didn't like) and i also disagreed with lots of things he said. the good thing about that was when it came to the small groups where we discussed the talks, we had a whole bunch to talk about. for most of the small groups, i just sat back and had a good listen to what people thought of the talk, and after a while i'd pipe up, say what i thought (which was usually very different to everyone else), which spurred the conversation on to a different path.
they focused a lot on Social Justice (which i thought was great) but (to me) they seemed to place more emphasis on justice for people in this life rather than salvation for the next, which also bothered me.
i also found out that the uniting guys LOVE the theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer. i could imagine some of them having posters of him plotting to kill Hitler on their bedroom walls (i can be very imaginative sometimes). i went to a talk to hear more about him, but unfortunately the guy giving the talk was told he was meant to be talking about something else so didn't have stuff prepared which was a bit annoying.
one great elective i went to was called 'Project Green Church' and was run by Maroubra Uniting Church. basically what they've done is made their church environmentally friendly in really simple and practical ways. it has inspired me to hopefully get some stuff like that going back at Panania.
there was also lots of wildlife. kangaroo's everywhere, and i almost ran over a wombat in my car.
good parts about the weekend: i got to hear alternative views on the bible i hadn't thought about
bad parts: i was quite lost most of the time because all the uniting traditions were new and confusing to me and the talks moved very fast
i also have some exciting news. esther made it in to Manchester Metropolitan Uni! that means she's going to go there in early september (boo, i'm gonna miss her) and i'll go over and visit in december (yay!) and then we're going to travel around for a couple of months on a sweet holiday before we both come home! yes!
today we booked flights and are now VERY excited about it all.
current dates (for once i'm over there):
manchester 3rd-15th dec
london 15th dec-3rd jan
brussels/amsterdam/luxembourg 3rd-12th jan
dublin 12th-19th jan
london again 19th-23rd jan
new york 23rd-29th jan
salt lake city 29th jan-5th feb
san francisco 5th-9th feb
home again: 11th feb
so yeah, looks like i'm going to be getting another job so i can afford it all!
i'm getting sleepy now and i know i was going to mention something else, but i've forgotten cause of sleepy. night!
wow
so, it's been one heck of a week.
last thursday some stuff happened to some friends of mine, which has really sent some shockwaves through me and the rest of my friends.
i'm not sure what to say about it, but it wasn't good.
anyway, if i'm feeling a bit weird over the next few weeks and say a few bizarre things, please understand that it's going to take me awhile to deal with this. it wasn't something i wanted to ever have to deal with, but it's happened and so i need to sort things out. i haven't done anything wrong, like i said it's happened to some friends of mine, but it still affects me and many others pretty deeply.
anyway, some prayers and understanding for my friends and me would be appreciated.
there was also some upsetting news about another friend (one of my best friends) which will hopefully have a happy ending. that needs some prayer too. i hope he's going to be okay. i'm scared about it.
saturday i went to the Live Earth concert. it was pretty fun. thanks to Richard Bow for taking me along. i got to see quite a few bands, and enjoyed it very much. highlights were Crowded House (of course), John Butler Trio, and Ghostwriters. Wolfmother bored me to tears. seriously.
sunday was a sporty kinda day.
Esther and i headed off to see the Swans beat Freo at the SCG. it was very very cold, but i was happy because we won.
that night, church was pretty sombre (as everyone was dealing with what was mentioned above) but it was really nice.
after church it was off to Alex's house to watch Oman va Australia and the score was a 1 all draw (O-man! tee hee). i got to see Alex's train sets (two of them!) and be VERY jealous of him and his dad.
next it was to my house to watch the Formula One. in poll position was Hamilton (1st) and Raikkonen (2nd) with Alonso (3rd) and Massa (4th) close behind. Massa stalled his car so he had to start at the back (sucker). the rest of the race was excitig, cause Hamilton led the first third, Alonso the 2nd third and Raikkonen the final third and went on to win. nice to see him get another win! Alonso came 2nd with Hamilton in 3rd.
today i got to hang out with one of my best friends (different to the one mentioned earlier), John, down in Gerroa. it was good because we haven't hung out in forever. we sat around playing each other cd's we've bought and we watched the movie The Good German (it was a good movie).
it was nice to sit around and talk about todays newspaper headlines with him.
anyway, i'm gonna go listen to new cd's i bought.
bye.